The Oscar winner participated Monday at a BFI London Film Festival event where the conversation turned to Black Panther (2018). After watching herself on-screen opposite Boseman in a clip played for the crowd, she began to cry and detailed her grief.

“I have to admit, I haven’t seen the film since Chadwick died, so I’m having a moment,” Nyong’o said onstage, per the Hollywood Reporter. “The grief is just the love, with no place to put it, right … I don’t run away from the tears or the grief, you know? You just live with it.”

“That experience will never be separate from the love that was formed,” she continued.